Operation Save Seifer's Stupid Ass
by VictimOfCircumstance
Summary: Upon Seifer's return, Squall's friends exchange a series of e-mails regarding the relationship of the two rivals - or in Selphie's case, how to get the stubborn boys to hook up. Seifer getting arrested wasn't really part of the plan. Seifer x Squall


**Pairing: **Seifer x Squall, Irvine x Selphie mentioned

**Warnings: **Rated for cuss words.

**Disclaimer: **FFVIII does not belong to me. I couldn't handle the responsibility.

**Notes: **It's understood in this fic that Rinoa and Squall aren't together anymore, for unexplained reasons. Yeah. I'm good like that.

There were interesting fonts to go with every character, but this site formatting hates that. Grar. Sorry!

Sorry about the formatting and how annoying reading alla these headings a thousand times is. It's stylistic, right? Yes? Please?

In terms of date and time and year, I made _everything_ up. Is there a timeline for the game?

**000**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 6:11  
Subject: Our precious headmaster

Selphie,

He pulled rank on me. Squall Leonhart pulled rank on me. I'm so angry I could scream. He's never abused his power like that, ever. I thought he didn't even want the authority. He's got a funny way of showing it.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 7:02  
Subject: Re: Our precious headmaster

Mr. missus commander instructor Trepe ma'am sir,

Oh, Quisty. You issued a warrant for Seifer's arrest behind his back! What did you expect? He does not like it when people make important decisions without his approval. Plus it's _Seify_. Squall's been through everything with Seify. It wouldn't be right to separate them now.

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 7:43  
Subject: Re: Re: Our precious headmaster

Selphie,

Seifer tried to kill Squall. I think that's an adequate reason to separate them. I'm not going to let Seifer hurt him again.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
To: "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 8:03  
Subject: Fwd: Re: Re: Our precious commander

Quistis,

Seifer's changed. I saw it in his eyes and his heart when I healed him after the war. Keeping him and Seifer apart would be the worst thing you could do to Squall at this point.

Rinoa Heartilly

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Irvine Kinneas"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 8:05  
Subject: Seifypants

Irvine –

Do you think Seifer and Squall are gay together?

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 8:23  
Subject: Your opinion

Zell,

What do you think about the Seifer situation? Do you think we should let him back into Garden?

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Seifer Almasy"  
To: "Raijin" , "Fujin"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 8:56  
Subject: status update

I'm currently unable to show my face at my apartment, as it is surrounded by four – count 'em – **four** mercenary squads. One from Esthar, one from Galbadia, and – here's the kicker – two from Balamb Garden. As far as I can tell, one is from Quistis with love and huggles and an arrest warrant, and the other was sent by Squall to detain that one. So I'm laying low until I decide whether or not I even want to go back to B Garden. Sorry to vanish like that. I wonder why puberty boy even wants me back. Sure, we had something, but that was before the assassination attempts/torture/mind fuckery/icicle stabbery, so he can't possible still want me. Right? I don't deserve… you know what, whatever. What do you think?

Seifer Almasy

SeeD Cadet

P.S. I can't believe these accounts are still active. I defected from good ol' B Garden like three months ago. Should update that 'SeeD cadet' thing, though. How does 'ex-Sorceress Knight' sound?

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 9:00  
Subject: Re: Seifypants

Darlin' –

I think Squall wants to be gay with Seifer.

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 9:07  
Subject: Fwd: Re: Seifypants

Rinoa –

We have to get them together!

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 9:10  
Subject: no homo

Zell –

Selphie just asked me if I thought our resident psychopathic homos are gay together. Remember that time we caught them in the shower?

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**oooooo**

From: "Zell Dincht"  
To: "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 9:22  
Subject: Re: Your opinion

Quistis,

Tell you the truth, I think the decision is entirely out of your hands.

Zell Dincht

Director of Combat Instruction

**oooooo**

From: "Fujin"  
To: "Seifer Almasy"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 9:45  
Subject: Re: status update

Fearless leader –

GO HOME, ya know?

Your loyal posse

**oooooo**

From: "Zell Dincht"  
To: "Irvine Kinneas"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 9:59  
Subject: Re: no homo

Irvine,

Of course I remember. That's when I found out that I'm gay for Seifer. Not Squall though. I'm straight for Squall.

Zell Dincht

Director of Combat Instruction

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Squall Leonhart"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 10:09  
Subject: Concern

Squall,

You understand that I'm just worried about you, right? I don't want you getting hurt. Please, Squall, just tell me why you're so insistent that Seifer can be trusted. I'm willing to trust you, just tell me enough that I can.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 10:14  
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Seifypants

Selphie,

Don't tell anyone, but Squall and Seifer were together before the war, so it shouldn't be too hard to get them back. They'll be so cute together, and I think it will be a good thing for both of them. Any ideas?

Rinoa Heartilly

**oooooo**

From: "Seifer Almasy"  
To: "Raijin" , "Fujin"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 10:31  
Subject: Re: Re: status update

O' my faithful posse –

You always know what's best for me. I guess I'll go back, but I don't expect things to go easily for me. Quistis in particular is gonna be watching me, and the others… hell, I dunno. Squally-boy's the only one that matters anyway. And Rinoa if I can get her into bed with me. And anyone else whom I randomly feel like fucking. But the ice princess specifically! Ugh I'm sick of people trying – and failing – to kill me. I don't want to murder anymore. I don't want to say anything corny like how my gunblade is forever stained with blood, but… it kind of is. I need to borrow that polish that pretty boy uses. It's hard to clean old bloodstains… Maybe some vinegar.

…I want chips.

Seifer Almasy

SeeD Cadet

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 10:40  
Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Seifypants

Rinoa –

For starters, I think we have to find Seify. After that we can plan.

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Zell Dincht"  
To: "Irvine Kinneas" , "Rinoa Heartilly" , "Selphie Tilmitt" , "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 12:22  
Subject: Our baby's back

I'll be blunt. Seifer's on my bed, gagged and bound, smirking at me.

I was on guard duty at the gates, and who but our favorite blond bully marches right up to the guards, holding his hands out to be cuffed and demanding that only I handle him. The other guards tried to take him down.

Bad move.

He made this weird twisting motion and *BAM* four guards, down and out. So I cuffed him (and he was grinning that crazy grin of his, with that flash of something in his eyes) and took him to my room for lack of better options. He wouldn't let me take hyperion off his back, but… call me crazy, but I don't think he's a threat. Not to us, at least.

So here's the clincher… what do we do? Should I tell squall?

Zell Dincht

Director of Combat Instruction

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 12: 58  
Subject: alright, babe

Any reason no one can find you, Rinoa, or Seifer right now? Zell claims Seifer knocked him out and escaped, but I'm pretty sure those marks were left by nunchaku.

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Irvine Kinneas"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:02  
Subject: Re: alright, babe

Irvine –

Umm… Oops?

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:03  
Subject: Seifer

Zell –

Don't tell Squall. Not yet.

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:04  
Subject: Seifer

Zell,

Tell Squall. Now.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:05  
Subject: Seifer

Zell,

Don't tell Squall.

Rinoa Heartilly

**oooooo**

From: "Zell Dincht"  
To: "Irvine Kinneas"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:07  
Subject: SEIFER

Irvine,

What do I dooooo?

Zell Dincht

Director of Combat Instruction

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:18  
Subject: Umm…

Rinoa –

Umm… Don't panic, but I lost Seifer.

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:21  
Subject: Fwd: Re: Umm…

Selphie,

You lost Seifer?!

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:26  
Subject: Seifer

Zell –

Well, shit. They lost him. Now we definitely have to tell our ice prince.

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:27  
Subject: Side note

Rinoa –

On an unrelated note, I think my personal SeeD cadet intern guy is gay for Quistis's. Can we hook them up too?!

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:28  
Subject: Re: Side note

Selphie,

_**YES!!!!**_

Rinoa Heartilly

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Squall Leonhart"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:30  
Subject: Sorry to bother you, but…

Squall,

There's something we should talk about.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

And Zell and Selphie!! and Irvine and Rinoa

**oooooo**

From: "Squall Leonhart"  
To: "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:33  
Subject: Re: Sorry to bother you, but…

Y'all –

Squally-boy can't talk right now. Nice to see y'all again, though.

SEIFER ALMASY, BITCH.

Oh, and Quisty? Squally-boy appreciates the concern, but you can piss off.

Squall Leonhart

Balamb Garden Headmaster

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:35  
Subject: Seifer

Zell –

Can I nap in your room? Selphie and Rinoa are squealing too loud for me to sleep.

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 13:47  
Subject: Necessity

Quistis,

Everyone else seems to have lost their minds, so you're the only person I have left to turn to. Zell let Seifer into his room without a second thought, even though he had just seen Seifer take down four guards in a single strike without the use of a gunblade or GFs. Irvine is totally indifferent – even happy – about the whole thing. Rinoa and Selphie are too busy drooling over the thought of Squall and Seifer together to consider the potential danger. They're both too quick to trust. But I expect that from all of them. Squall, though… Squall never lets down his guard. Only Seifer could ever…

Of course. Only Seifer could ever get him to react. Only Seifer could ever earn his respect. Only Seifer ever made him feel alive. It's no wonder… Well, I trust Squall. If he thinks Seifer deserves our welcome, then so be it.

And Squall needs this.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

**oooooo**

From: "Seifer Almasy"  
To: "Squall Leonhart"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 14:04  
Subject: It was always you.

Squally-boy –

The Garden goons buckled to the pressure from all of our surrounding countries/allies (Galbadia, Trabian survivors, so on and so forth) and are currently threatening to shoot through the door, so I'm gonna wager a guess and say that this was our last time together. It was more than I ever could have hoped for, more than I've ever dared to dream. You're so serene in your sleep… Quistis got me a warning. She's trying to stall, but they'll beat down the door soon. But I'm tired of running. I'm not making much sense, am I? Whatever.

I'm glad I got to share this last moment with you. Squall… I never got to say I'm sorry. But I'm gonna wait to say it to your face. I hope it's not at the executioner's block.

Miss you, Squall.

Seifer Almasy

SeeD Cadet

**oooooo**

From: "Quistis Trepe"  
To: "Squall Leonhart"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 14:13  
Subject: Seifer

Squall,

We'll get him back for you. We swear it.

Quistis Trepe

Balamb Garden Commander

And Zell and Irvine and Selphie!! and Rinoa

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 16:16  
Subject: Seifer

Zell –

Are you watching his trial? You can almost see the power radiating off of him. Either they'll keep him alive to utilize that power, or kill him because they wouldn't dare. He's so damn arrogant, even now.

…How's Squall?

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**oooooo**

From: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
To: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 17:55  
Subject: Oh no

Selphie,

They announced the verdict. Imprisonment for life. What do we do?

Rinoa Heartilly

**oooooo**

From: "Zell Dincht"  
To: "Quistis Trepe"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 17:59  
Subject: operation save seifer's stupid ass

Quistis,

We need trepies, stat!!!

Zell Dincht

Director of Combat Instruction

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Squall Leonhart"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 18:09  
Subject: operation seifer

Squall, baby –

I know you want to just lock yourself up in your room and not face anyone, but you're needed now. Honey, you need to make a speech. For Seifer.

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Seifer Almasy"  
To: "Squall Leonhart" , "Selphie Tilmitt" , "Quistis Trepe" , "Rinoa Heartilly" , "Irvine Kinneas" , "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 21:40  
Subject: what the fuck is going on

Squally-boy/Chickenwuss/Quisty/Anyone –

What the hell is going on? The media crowd is having a frenzy out there. Surely the fuss can't _all_ be about me. Clue me in, someone. Did they change the verdict to the death sentence? SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING.

Seifer Almasy

SeeD Cadet

P.S. Do you let all your prisoners have internet access, or am I a special case?

**oooooo**

From: "Zell Dincht"  
To: "Seifer Almasy"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 22:38  
Subject: operation save seifer's stupid ass

Jerkass,

The entire garden is staging a riot. Well, maybe more like a boycott. Everything's shut down – EVERYTHING. Quistis enlisted her fanclub, Irvine gathered up all of his followers (damn lady-killer-grin and its magical properties), Selphie got the support of her bajillion friends, and I have my own share of fangirls to add to the mix – I do! REALLY! So stop smirking. Yeah. I can tell.

Basically, the entire garden is just dead. There won't be classes, training center, cafeteria, **NOTHING** until we get you out of there, jackass. It's a madhouse.

Biggest deal = squall threatened to quit if you aren't set free. no one wants our resident hero (**everybody** loves squall) to abandon us, so I assume it'll be a matter of minutes until you're out of there.

Zell Dincht

Director of Combat Instruction

p.s. AND STOP CALLING ME CHICKENWUSS!!!

**oooooo**

From: "Selphie Tilmitt"  
To: "Rinoa Heartilly"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 23: 42  
Subject: OPERATION SEIFER

Rinoa –

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Selphie

Secretary to the Headmaster Himself

**oooooo**

From: "Irvine Kinneas"  
To: "Zell Dincht"  
Date: Wod, 12 Odintober 4892 at 23:59  
Subject: Seifer and Squall

Zell –

Can I stay over with you tonight? Selphie and Rinoa are in happy-fangirl mode.

Irvine Kinneas

SeeD

**000**

Alright. What do I have to fix? Review with constructive criticism? Yes? Please?


End file.
